We've all experienced it. The dread of being confined in a small enclosure with a sibling. The mere feeling is enough to make you feel repulsed, trapped and overly claustrophobic, because what is worse than a brother or a sister? I know. Hating your brother or sister.
It's mostly understandable that the feeling of wanting to be least reminded of home when all you're trying to do is fly away from it is present when you're growing up. And yet that inescapable feeling hits you hard when you remember all the times you looked your sibling in the eye and told them they were not wanted. The wave of guilt drowns you when you realise you destroyed many memories with these few fatal words. Does anyone really know why we try and push the very thing that holds the family together away? I'd love to meet you if you do.
I have divulged in many past experiences with my younger brother and they seem so vivid and current in my memory. It's as if the brain locks them away for safe keeping until it believes you're ready to emerge yourself in your minds own mysteries. It's as if the past speed and determination of one's wish to simply be alone is replaced with an overwhelming urge to make up for lost time. Ironically, my brother is still too young to feel the wrath of consequence and I find myself feeling frequently helpless; my punishment for my past disasters I suppose.
It is not as if I am a bad sister or a selfish one. I would never consider myself to be a bully of any sort. The thought now occurs to me that it can't be all bad that I feel this way. At least I have a conscience? I challenge anyone to look back on their childhood and not feel any regret as to how they sometimes treated their brother or sister. I proudly quote from 'Brothers' by Andrew Forster "I ran on, unable to close the distance I'd set in motion." Forster, I simply couldn't of put it better myself. Once you have turned your back on your sibling, even momentarily, the action can never be taken back; regret never quite rid of.
So each time you feel forced to take that family trip just remember, you can't pick your family. Stop the distance you set in motion before it is much too late.
Inspiration: 'Brothers' by Andrew Foster
Kind regards,
Klinkmillie
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